Down Goes #1: Michigan Upsets LSU in Coach roop1189's first user game

No one saw this coming! A week after LSU dominated the #3 Oregon Ducks and vaulted to the #1 spot in the polls, the Tigers were defeated 30-17 by Michigan in Ann Arbor.

Coach roop1189, playing in his very first head-to-head RUTS game, and his team used a dominant running game, averaging more than 6 yards per carry and gaining 220+ yards on the ground. RB Michael Shaw led the way with 12 carries, 126 yards and 1 TD. Michigan also forced LSU QB Jordan Jefferson to throw 3 INTs.

A close and low scoring game all the way, the Wolverines led 10-3 heading to the 4th quarter. But, both teams exploded in the 4th, combining for 34 points. It was Michigan, though, who scored early, making it too little, too late for LSU.

With just over 3 minutes remaining in the game, Michigan led 23-3 and the fans in the Big House were going bananas, sensing a monumental win.

"I thought our team could keep this one close, and we'd have a chance to win," said Coach roop1189. "But, I never expected this."

LSU's loss opens the door for Oklahoma to reclaim the #1 spot in the polls after the Sooners downed #3 Stanford this week. The loss is a downer for LSU, but the Tigers national and conference championship hopes are still in tact and alive. Coach cjohnchavis will have to rally the troops. He's already cracking down on discipline, starting with QB Jefferson.

"Starting now, Jordan will only be allowed to have 20 pairs of shoes in his closet," Coach cjohnchavis said stoically. "He had 49 pairs!! Instead of deciding on what shoes to wear, he needs to be deciding on which WR to hit for a touchdown."

One now has to wonder if Michigan is the new favorite to win the Pac 12 North!

Season 1 is off to a wild & crazy start

After two weeks of hard-hitting action, RUTS4 is off and running. There have been some exciting games and surprising outcomes in weeks 1 and 2. Let's take a look at some of the big results from the first two weeks:

Week 1:
In a classic, early season game pitting the nation's #1 and #2 teams. Top-ranked Oklahoma outlasted #2 Alabama 34-31 in Overtime. The Crimson Tide went into the locker room at halftime with a sizeable lead, but the Sooners second half running game and defense enabled them to climb back into the game, forcing overtime and coming away with a huge victory.


Week 2:

Week 2 featured head-to-head matchups between the RUTS "4 Horsemen" --- as the #3 Oregon Ducks traveled to #4 LSU and coach utvol27's USC squad traveled to Tallahassee to battle #10 Florida State. In these two games, the SEC teams sent shockwaves across the nation, dominating their Pac 12 rivals. LSU defeated Oregon 34-7 behind a balanced offensive attack and stifling defense. The Ducks were held scoreless until the last minute of the game. LSU vaulted to #1 in the latest coaches poll, and who can argue? The Tigers victory over the Ducks may make them the team to beat in the SEC and in the nation.

In similar fashion, Florida State jumped ahead of the Trojans 34-7 and held on for a convincing 37-21 victory in rain-soaked Tallahassee. The Noles used big plays in the running & passing game and forced 3 turnovers (including one fumble recovery for a TD that killed a USC drive) to control the pace. Seminole QB EJ Manuel is off to a great start for the Noles and Coach UTVol54 is pleased with his team's poise and attitude.

LSU and Florida State face off in week 5, in what could be a preview to the SEC Championship Game.

In another tremendous game from week 2, Oklahoma defeated Tennessee 14-8 on a miracle finish.  In a low-scoring slobberknocker, the Sooners led 7-3 late in the 4th quarter.

Driving into Sooner territory, Vols QB Tyler Bray threw an interception in the end zone, or so we thought. The Sooners did intercept the ball, but the referees ruled it a safety, saying the DB caught the ball at the 1 yard line and was tackled in the end zone. Tennessee trailed 7-5 with just a few minutes remaining, and the Vols would get the ball back after the safety kick off.

Tennessee drove into field goal range and drilled a FG with 2 seconds remaining, giving the Vols an 8-7 lead, and what appeared to be a huge upset over the #1 team in the nation! The Vols were back! Right? Not so fast my friend!

Tennessee attempted an onside/squib kick in an attempt to run out the clock, but Oklahoma recovered the kick with 1 second remaining. With good field position, Coach Gump had time to run 1 last play....a Hail Mary attempt to the end zone. QB Landry Jones dropped pack and launched a pass to the end zone, and miraculously, Sooner WR Kenny "Tippy Toes" Stills hauled in the reception, giving the Sooners another dramatic nail-biting victory.

Oklahoma starts the season off 2-0 and may be considered the team of destiny after their first two wins.

Some other notes after Weeks 1-2:
- The Michigan Wolverines are off to a 2-0 start after slipping past Arizona in overtime in week 2. Coach roop1189 has his work cut out for him in week 3, as the Wolverines host #1 LSU in the Big House!

- The Miami Hurricanes suffered a tough 14-17 loss to Virginia Tech in week 2 and started the season 0-1. Coach stinvol's team was off in week 1, and allowed Miami boosters to fly him and the team to the Big Apple to watch the Yankees play. Apparently, the strategy backfired and the Canes players were still seeing the bright lights of NYC instead of the Hokies' players. Miami will need to bounce back fast, as they play Nebraska and Alabama in the next two weeks.

- Texas is off to a great start after defeating Alabama 31-15 in Tuscaloosa. The Longhorns may be a dark horse in the Pac 12. We look for Texas to enter its week 7 game against the Sooners undefeated. That will be a huge game in Dallas!

Season 1 Preview & Predictions

With season 1 a mere two days away, it's time to take a peek at what the national pundits have to say. Which teams and players will rise to the top? Which coaches will be on the hot seat by week 3? Which program will face possible NCAA sanctions first? Let's take a look...

Preseason Rakings and Team Outlooks

#1 Oklahoma

The Sooners are the clear-cut preseason #1 team. With a Heisman front runner/SI cover boy at QB and a potent offense and defense, the Sooners look to continue the dynasty that former Coach utvol27 started in RUTS3. New Head C0ach_Gump has inherited a boatload of skill players that will allow him to use his "pound 'em, ground 'em" attack to wear teams down. The Sooners open the season at home against #2 Alabama, an unbelievable early season test to separate the men from the boys.  Throw in the fact that the Sooners play Tennessee, Texas, USC, and Oregon in the first 9 weeks of the season, is it even possible they emerged unscathed?

"We are really just enjoying being ranked #1," said C0ach_Gump. "These players are so used to being the best, and they aren't scared of anything. I think the relaxed attitude will allow us to cruise past Alabama and Tennessee, and then, bring on those Pac 12 rivals. Boomer Gumper Sooner!"

It will be interesting to see if the NCAA slaps the Sooners with any significant penalties after Coach utvol27 bolted town amidst a mushroom cloud of investigators sniffing around the program. Rougue booster "Big Snacks" may now be in jail, but the punishment for the Sooners may be forthcoming. 

The pundits prediction: The Sooners will finish the regular season 11-1 and will make the Pac 12 title game. They're an incredibly talented team...but can they beat Oregon?!


#2 Alabama

The Crimson Tide shocked the football world when they hired Coach zeejaydee to follow in the footsteps of Coach StuBucksman. Coach zeejaydee has improved by leaps and bounds each year in RUTS, and honestly, this might be the year he is able to break through and coach a team to a conference or even national championship game. The Tide are ranked #2 and with talent galore at almost every position, it's not hard to imagine the houndstooth clad Tide to continue its winning ways.


Alabama will have to somehow manage to come out of the SEC West though. The Tide plays LSU, Tennessee, Florida State, and Miami in the conference, and 6 total user games. Losing 3 of those games will make it difficult to win the West, and contend for a BCS Bowl.


Coach zeejaydee coulbe be ready to make another step toward being a predominant power. If Alabama gets off to a great start and upsets #1 Oklahoma in week 1...look out!


The pundits prediction: Alabama will finish the regular season 9-3. Starting the season strong will be key, as the Tide plays Tennessee, FSU, and LSU in 3 consecutive weeks late in the season.

#4 LSU

The Bayou Bengals and their rowdy fan base are poised for another run at the national title in season 1. Coach cjohnchavis returns to Baton Rouge for his 6th season with the team but has downplayed the extraordinary expectations the folks on the Bayou have built for this season.


"This squad is extremely talented," Coach cjohnchavis said. "I'm a little concerned about their mindset though. We'll find out very fast how good we are, and playing NC State, Oregon, and Michigan to open the season will be difficult."


Once again, the Tigers will rely heavily on its defense and its potent secondary. The Tigers' offense will be fairly balanced, with veteran QB Jordan Jefferson, RB Spencer Ware, and WR Rueben Randle handling a bulk of the load.


If LSU can somehow manage to start the season 4-0, the Tigers will enter an all-important SEC game against Florida State unbeaten and ready for the Noles. That game could set the tone for the SEC race and might be a preview of the SEC title game should things go the Tigers' way.



The pundits prediction: The Tigers should be contenders all season and have a chance to win every game. Beating old rivals Coach StuBucksman (Oregon) and Coach UTVOL54 (FSU) will be tough, but both games are played in Death Valley. If LSU can split those games, it could be a sweet ride for the Tigers by season's end.

#5 Oregon

The Coach Stu Quack Attack is taking flight, and these feathered friends are planning on ruining the seasons of all of its Pac 12 competition. Coach Stu, excited about a change of scenery and a chance to expand his wardrobe, is extremely pleased with the way QB Darren Thomas and RB LaMichael James have competed this preseason.


"They have both adapted well to our new offense, which will remain top secret until week 2 against LSU," Coach Stu said. "We will not need to use anything new against Illinois, my 'coulda-been alma mater'."


Coach Stu, just like Coach UTVOL54 at FSU, has vowed to wear a new uniform combination for each game, bu expect a heavy dose of the matte-Black helmet for the Ducks. "I am in love with many things, but these helmets just invoke a passion in me that is rarely rivaled," Stu said. After an off-season of touring with his neo-soul-funk-jazz band Sensual BBQ, the Coach has enjoyed spending time in Eugene with his family and Phil Knight, who has supplied the Coach with a new pair of shoes each day since his arrival.


The pundits prediction: The Ducks are the odds-on favorite to win the Pac 12 North division. Tough matchups against #1 Oklahoma and arch-nemesis Coach utvol27 and USC will be the biggest roadblocks to the Ducks reaching the national title game. Even though they're ranked below the Sooners, we consider these crazy quacks to emerge victorious in the Pac 12 in season 1.

#10 Florida State

Prime Time made Keds cool before Coach Stu?! Who knew?

A simple Google search of "Florida State football" shows you that the co-eds in Tallahassee are ecstatic about Coach UTVOL54's arrival on campus. From day 1, the coach has vowed to restore the Seminoles tradition and prominence to be competing for national titles every year. The FSU girls aren't the only ones excited though, as FSU lettermen are also on board with the program's new head man. Former Seminole great Dieon "Prime Time" Sanders was so excited about the hire that he donated his time to come teach the current DBs his secrets on technique, fashion, hair styles, and jewelry wearing. After his visit, Coach UTVOL54 saw a noticeable difference in his DBs physicality and speed. Prime Time even allowed FSU to un-retire his #2 jersey...agreeing to start a new tradition of allowing the team's best DB each season to wear the famed #2. This year's honoree is sophomore Xavier Rhodes, who emerged as a team leader in the secondary along with preseason All-American return man, Greg Reid. 


"I'm really excited about this season," said Coach UTVOL54. "This team is very coachable, and what's not to love about opening the season in Hawaii?"



The pundits prediction: We'll know a lot about the Noles after the first 5 weeks of the season. Playing coach utvol27 and USC and week 2, then traveling to Baton Rouge in week 5 will be huge tests. If the Noles come out of that gauntlet undefeated, it may be tough to stop their momentum. Of course, games against Alabama, Boise State, Tennessee, Miami, and Florida still remain on a very difficult schedule. The Noles will finish 11-1, but the SEC East race will come down to the wire.

#22 Texas

The Longhorns and new Coach ChrisHicks21 have been the sole blame of the tumbling of the Big 12 conference. In RUTS3, the Big 12 was a powerhouse, with teams like Oklahoma, Ohio State, Oregon, Miami, and Florida State leading the conference. Now, after an off-season of TV deal negotiating, angered by the Longhorns' excessive TV payouts, teams from the once powerful conference bolted to greener pastures, the Big 10, SEC, and Pac 12. Texas, seeing the error in its ways decided to jump ship to the Pac 12 too, along with Oklahoma and Michigan, making the Pac 12 the new power-conference in the nation, quite possibly. The Longhorns start the season at #22, and QB Garrett Gilbert has a plethora of talented WRs to throw to, including sophomore Mike Davis.

The Longhorns will also add some recruiting competition for teams who recruit the state of Texas, including LSU, Alabama, and Oklahoma. If Texas, judging from preseason rankings and schedule strength, have possibly the easiest road to the Pac 12 title game, but they we think they will have to win 2 of their in-conference user games against USC, Oklahoma, or Michigan. Can they do it? It could be an interesting year.

The pundits prediction: The Longhorns will finish the season ranked in the top 15, higher than where they started, but will narrowly miss out on going to the Pac 12 title game. However, if the Horns can upset #1 Oklahoma, then we change our minds, and predict that the Eyes of Texas will be traveling to Hawaii to face off against Oregon at season's end.

USC

USC? More like WTF!? That was the collective thought of the nation and other RUTS coaches when the news leaked out that coach utvol27 was heading out to sunny LA to continue his coaching career, arguably one of the most successful careers in college football history. Coach utvol27 is looking to renew the Trojans' program and restore it to its once non-cheating and scandalous ways.

USC starts the season unranked, a challenge that excites Coach utvol27. "We are so under the radar, but I know for a fact...the rest of the Pac 12 and the nation is scared of this sleeping monster in LA," he said. "We 'll be able to lock down recruits nationwide, and no one, even Coach Stu, is going to step on the field against us truly believing that they're going to emerge victorious."

Strong words coming from the leader of an unranked program, but does anyone want to bet against this young whippersnapper?

The pundits prediction: The Trojans will improve drastically throughout the year, and if they can manage to go on the road and defeat FSU in week 2, a championship season may come out of the woodworks. But, we think that this season might be a rebuilding/laying the groundwork type of year for USC. By season 2, we'd predict they'll be back in the spotlight, but for season 1, they will be successful at playing the role of spoiler...knocking 1 or 2 teams out of the national or conference title race. The question is, will you bet against them too?

Tennessee
The Vols are looking to take the next step in competing for an SEC East title. Coach EBDial returns to Knoxville for his 6th season, and thinks that this might be his best team yet. The problem is, the SEC is once again loaded with powerhouses, including the addition of FSU and Miami. The Vols are led by sophomore QB Tyler Bray and sophomore WR Justin Hunter. Thrown in a veteran Rb in Tauren Poole, and the Vols young offense might cause big trouble in the SEC. The Vols have had a tremendous preseason, and Coach EBDial is quietly optimistic that his team will suprise some people this season.


"Our theme song has been "Don't You...Forget About Me," said Coach EBDial. "Everyone is sleeping on the Big Orange this season, and that's going to be a mistake. We are ready to turn the SEC upside down."

The Vols open the season against BYU before facing off against #1 Oklahoma. Is it unthinkable that the Vols could shock the world and defeat the Sooners in Week 2? Stranger things have happened.

The pundits prediction: Tennessee peaked at #12 in the season 5 poll in RUTS3, the highest finish of any of the 5 seasons. Coach EBDial has established himself as an offensive genius. Can he take the next step to shore up the Vols' defensive woes? They'll have to remain injury free, but we think Tennessee will finish the season with 8 or 9 wins heading into the bowl game. The Vols keep building momentum, and we think they'll be an SEC East contender in season 2.

Michigan
The Wolverines and rookie RUTS Coach roop1189 enter the season as a huge unknown. No one knows what to expect from Coach roop1189, and that could be a scary prospect for the Pac 12. Speedy Qb Denard Robinson could prove to be a lethal threat for opposing defenses. Roop's challenge will be to coach up the defense so as to allow their team to stay close in games. If they can keep games close, Robinson's legs can carry them to victory.


"Denard's versatility at the QB position is unmatched in RUTS or the nation," said Roop. "We're excited about that."


Roop's other hurdle will be to overcome the sentiment that he likes sticking forks in electrical outlets. After the RUTS team draft video, Michigan fans were concerned that their coach may not be 'all-there,' but since taking over the progran, he has more than proved otherwise.


"Look," said Roop, "that photo was taken of me when I was a wee-little-lad. I have grown up so much and learned many lessons. I never, ever stick forks into electrical outlets anymore, and the Wolverine Nation can rest assured I am the right man for the job."


Michigan opens the season with 2 straight Pac 12 games against UCLA and Arizona, and then, the gauntlet begins. The Wolverines play #4 LSU, #6 Ohio State, and #3 Stanford back-to-back-to-back in weeks 3-5. They need to win 2 of those games to remain in the hunt for the conference title, and it will be tough. Then, the Maize and Blue close the season against arch-nemesis Coach stinvol and the Miami Hurricanes. A rivalry that might become one of the best in RUTS.



The pundits prediction: Michigan will surprise some teams this season. They are an unranked, but very talented team. Although they may fall short of reaching the Pac 12 title game, we think they will beat 1 or even 2 teams they're not supposed to beat...could that start with LSU in week 3 when they visit Ann Arbor? That's a scary trap game for the Tigers, and if Michigan can pull the upset, who knows how far they can go. Coach stinvol earned a trip to the conference title game in his RUTS rookie season in RUTS3, can Roop do the same?

Miami  
The Hurricanes and Coach stinvol don't care what you say about them. Cheaters? Scandalous? Money launderers? Cold-blooded rappers? Yeah, maybe. But they are a team to be reckoned with. The Hurricanes took the Big 12 by storm in season 1 of RUTS3, upsetting coach utvol27 and earning a trip to the Big 12 title game in his rookie season. Now, Miami, along with rival FSU, are heading to the SEC East. Along with that comes tougher rivalry games but also a renewed challenge to take the conference by storm.

Coach stinvol's first order of business was to hire showman/look-at-me guy/coach Trooper Taylor away from SEC rival Auburn to coach the Canes' special teams unit. A move that Coach stinvol called the "best decision he's made in the past 13 hours."


The Hurricanes, who will be sporting new green helmets this season for some games, and coach stinvol is excited about what lies ahead.


"We have a tough road, but I am predicting right now that we will be 9-0 entering our game against FSU in week 12," stinvol said. "That means, YES, we're beating Alabama. We're beating USC. And, the nation is going to be really afraid of the Canes."


Who are we to tell this fiery coach to simmer down? Miami has a great shot to win the SEC East, and they are a strong contender to win the entire SEC. It will take a strong year from veteran QB Jacory Harris, who may be the nation's worst dressed QB, but he is a game changer who can win with his legs, arms, or overalls.

The pundits' prediction: Miami is a really good team, and we're not sure how they managed to enter the season unranked. Coach stinvol has remained loyal to the program, which is currently in a state of unrest after recent allegations of epic proportions. Coach stinvol isn't worried about the past though, he's focused on the future. Miami will have a good season, and who knows, if they can upset FSU in week 12, could wind up in Atlanta to play for a shot at a national title.

Coach stinvol says 'to hell with NCAA' and sticks with the Canes

After a week of turmoil and stress in South Beach, Miami Hurricanes Head Coach stinvol eased the fears of the Hurricane nation and declared emphatically that he will not be leaving Miami in light of the recent investigation by Yahoo Sports.

Coach stinvol, entering his 6th season with the Hurricanes, released a statement:

"I refuse to let this extensive report, coincidentally released just days before our team's first game, deter me and my team from focusing on winning the SEC East. Jacory Harris and the other 11 players named in the report will remain eligible and will be in the lineup as long as I'm in charge. We're all in, and I'm a solider!..to hell with the NCAA and Yahoo Sports."

Miami, who has a BYE week 1, opens the season at home against Virginia Tech.

The Hurricanes scandal is considered to be the most major of any previous Miami or RUTS violation. The program was thought by many to have cleaned up its act in the mid 2000s, but the arrival of Coach StuBucksman to South Beach in RUTS1, Season 2 apparently lit a bonfire that has yet to be stifled.

Preseason Top 25 Rankings

Here is a snapshot of the RUTS Team Rankings heading into the season.

Top 25 Preseason Coaches Poll
1. Oklahoma
2. Alabama
4. LSU
5. Oregon
10. Florida State
22. Texas
UR - USC
UR - Tennessee
UR - Michigan
UR - Miami

Season 1 Schedules Announced

Here are the season 1 schedules...for future reference, this will be linked at the top of the blog in the header-row.

Conferences Realignments Announced

RUTS headquarters announced the conference realignments for RUTS4, Season 1. In what Commissioner Haag called "one of the most competitive, rivalry-filled alignments in history," RUTS4 will utilize revamped versions of the Southeastern Conference and the Pac 12 Conference.

"With the exception of Michigan, every RUTS-coached team has a natural rival who is also being coached by a RUTS coach," Haag said. "This should make for some great conference match ups and create even more drama in these storied rivalries." 

Each conference will be split into 2 divisions, as shown below...RUTS teams are bolded:

NORTH
Oregon, Michigan, Washington, Oregon State, Stanford, California

(Michigan replaces Washington State, who moves to the Mountain West Conference. Notre Dame moves to the Big 10 to replace Michigan.)

SOUTH
USC, Oklahoma, Texas, UCLA, Arizona, Arizona State

(Oklahoma & Texas replace Colorado and Utah, who move to the Big 12)

Location of conference title game is To Be Determined!

EAST
Tennessee, Florida State, Miami, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky

(FSU and Miami replace South Carolina and Vandy, who will move to the ACC like they were in RUTS3)

WEST
Alabama, LSU, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, Arkansas, Auburn

NCAA Frowns at Southern Cal's Decision to Hire Coach utvol27

The attending media and fellow RUTS Coaches waited patiently. The nation watched LIVE on ESPN News. But, Coach utvol27 was nowhere to be found. As the crowd at the RUTS4 Draft Media Day grew ancy, word began to spread that Coach utvol27 wasn't going to be in attendance to announce his decision. In fact, he wasn't even on the ground. Instead, the coach chose to stand up his fellow coaches and media members to be whisked away on a private jet to his new home in sunny LA.

Only a press release would announce his decision. Once the word got around, shock filled the room. Everyone can agree that the USC Trojan program is in a huge state of turmoil. Previous coach Pete Carroll bolted for the NFL right before the NCAA hammered the Trojans with sanctions. And his replacement, Lane Kiffin was fired his past offseason after campus officials discovered that he had a serious and disturbing addiction to midget porn, while paying players to keep quiet about it.

So, it can only be described as completely surprising that the Trojans would hire Coach utvol27. Granted, he's been the most successful college football coach on the past 50 years, winning 7 national championships combined at Clemson and Oklahoma since RUTS1. But, the NCAA is hot on his heels after a Sports Illustrated cover article shed light on some very questionable actions in Norman, OK last year. Are the Trojans, and Coach utvol27 playing with fire here, and just asking for the NCAA to investigate further.

"To be honest with you," USC AD Pat Haden said, "we don't acknowledge the NCAA. We do us, and we'll continue to do so."

"Coach utvol27's track record of winning games is unprecedented," Haden continued. "And, The very first thing he did when we landed in LA yesterday was call (former Trojans) Reggie Bush and OJ Simpson to welcome them back to the Trojan family with open arms. He's a forgive and forget kind of guy, and we need Bush and OJ back around this program, mentoring these young men."

The NCAA, however, sent a shot across the bough, putting the new Trojan coach on notice that no inappropriate actions will be tolerated. "We will be setting up shop in LA over the course of the next several months," said NCAA Mark Emmert. "A) Because it's a great vacation destination, and B) because I want to get coach utvol27's autograph. Oh, and monitor his program."

Coach utvol27 spent a few hours on campus mingling with the USC Song Girls, QB Matt Barkley, and spoke to the team in a new suit he bought on clearance at Jos. A. Bank at the Norman, OK mini-mall. He was then picked up by Trojan celeb-fans Will Ferrell and Snoop Dogg to tour the city, including stops in the Compton district, where the coach is expected to recruit heavily.

Upon meeting the Song Girls, Coach utvol27 asked the squad for a pair of red shoes.

Coach utvol27 greets his new QB, Matt Barkley

With the 10th and Final Pick in the RUTS4 Draft, Coach stinvol selects...

This completes the RUTS4 draft! It's been a memorable day and a lot of fun! Here is the final draft report:

1. Tennessee – Coach EBDial
2. LSU – Coach cjohnchavis
3. Alabama - Coach zeejaydee
4. Michigan – Coach roop1189
5. Florida State – Coach UTVOL54
6. Oklahoma – Coach Gump
7. Oregon – Coach StuBucksman
8. Texas – Coach ChrisHicks21
9. Southern Cal - Coach utvol27
10. Miami - Coach stinvol


Get ready, because there's a lot of analyzing and commentating to do on today's dramatic picks! Conferences will be set very soon as well! Now, start practicing with your teams using those named rosters I sent a while back!!

Coach StuBucksman Makes His Long Awaited Pick

Untitled from Eric Haag on Vimeo.

C0ach_Gump Changes Logo to Pornographic Symbol

Norman, OK - Local fans are happy with the Sooner's new choice for Head Coach.  The fans, and others, are unhappy with the coach's change to the school's Logo.  "I wanted to give our guys a fresh look. Something the recruits could really relate with." said C0ach_Gump."

However, local women's rights group disagreed.  "It's obvious that the new logo is a phallic symbol, it's obvious." said an irate Janet Lee of NOW.  "Not only that, but it appears to be very small."

"I'll never buy my kids any of that gear." said OU Fan Steve Jones "I wore it to the mall and some guy came up to me and said 'what's with the little peen hat'. I don't want to be known as the little peen man."

The OU AD declined comment.

And the decision is.....

After shocking news this morning that Coach Zeejaydee has taken the Alabama job, the Gump camp has had to work hard to figure out their next move. Athletic Director Mal Moore is quoted saying, “This is a sad day in Alabama history. Coach Gump was the chosen one.” Reports out of Tuscaloosa is Zeejaydee won’t even last a year. “He is an outsider & is only here to bring this program down. He has never been a Alabama fan” said Bubba, just before he set his trailer to fire as he was leaving town.

So what is the next move for Gump? Oklahoma, TCU, A&M, UGA???? Retirement????

Here to make his big announcement is his lifelong agent…. Brycen Rosenhaus

"Gump has made a great choice," Says Rosenhaus. He will make $1 more then FSU coach UTVOL54. 19,900,001.00

Tomahawk Chop! UTVOL54 signs Biggest Contract in Football History

 

Promising to take the program back to its once dominant state, Coach UTVOL54 signed what is currently the largest contract in the history of football (college or pro) with the Florida State Seminoles. 

"This was an opportunity that I could not pass up," the Coach said. "I'm excited to earn $19.9 million per year, but I'm also excited about coming back down south to coach football. Columbus, Ohio was way too cold last year!"

Sources confirmed that South Carolina and Oregon were pursuing Coach UTVOL54 until the 11th hour, but the draw to Tallahassee was too strong. "I like coaching "State" schools...LSU, OSU, and now FSU."

Asked to comment on the Seminoles likely move to the SEC, Coach UTVOL54 shrugged and said, "I've been in the trenches in the SEC before, baby...bring it!"

Alabama Shocks the Nation

In a move that shocked the college football world, the #2 ranked Alabama Crimson Tide stepped outside of their "fan family" and hired Coach zeejaydee to coach the team. Coach zeejaydee, largely believed to be headed back to Eugene, OR this season, replaces the candidate most Alabama fans  believed to be the frontrunner for the job once the draft order was announced: Coach Gump.

Gump, a lifelong Alabama fan, even wore his Alabama boxer-briefs to today's media day, but it was all for naught.

Coach zee stepped to the podium, and quietly looked at the flock of reporters in the room. Some in the audience even started doing the slow "Quack....quack.....quack..." from the Mighty Ducks movies. But then....shockwaves. In WWE fashion, longtime Bama fan and Auburn-hater Harvey Updyke, recently released from prison, ran into the room, jumped on stage and stared Coach Zee in the face. The two glared at each other, and then, just as they'd apparently rehearsed, embraced!!! "Coach ZEEJAYDEE is coming to T-Town baby!" harvey exclaimed.

Reporters were shocked, as the two men frolicked with glee yelling "Roooooollllll Tiiiiiide"...

Meanwhile, Coach Gump sat on the back row in the room, sobbing. Coach zee, not a fan of crybabies, grabbed Harvey and the two chased Coach Gump out of town. There is no word on where Coach Gump will end up, but if and when he ever plays Alabama in Tuscaloosa, Coach zee and Harvey promised an ol' fashioned Alabama tail kicking. "We ran him outta town today, and as far as Harvey, Trent Richardson, and I'm concerned, he ain't ever steppin foot back in this town!" yelled Coach zeejaydee.

.....The draft continues!

Coach CJohnChavis inks record deal

Knoxville, TN - Rumors had been swirling today that coach CJohnChavis had been in detailed negotiations with the University of Texas, Alabama and  Oklahoma. to be their coach.  Both Oklahoma and Texas planned to use the signing of the coach in a bid to join the RUTS mainstay SEC.

LSU AD Joe Alleva joined coach CJohnChavis on stage dispelling any rumors that  had been running rampant.  The coach announced that he was staying at LSU, then Alleva announced that the coach signed a 5 year deal for 11.47 Millions dollars per season.

"I'm happy to stay here.  We have a good program with great players. We play in the best conference there is."

ebdial kicks off RUTS Media Days with a bang

Knoxville, TN - All eyes were on
Coach ebdial as he stepped to the podium to make his selection.  When the RUTS draft order was announced boosters flocked to Columbia to talk the coach into picking them.  "We don't want to end up with some nobody coach, we want a RUTS coach, and we will do what it takes." said prominent Texas booster Buddy Garrity.

RUTS coaches are expected to receive compensation packages with upwards of $7 Million per season.  Teams that have not had a RUTS coach may even be offering more.


"I enjoyed every season I spent at Tennessee in RUTS 3. I've considered all the fine schools that have made offers. It's true that I want a team that is a winner.  I want a program where I can step in and compete for titles right away.  All of these things have factored into my decision. I've made up my mind and don't expect to ever look back... I'm staying at the University of Tennessee."

The announcement set off celebrations for the partisan crowd in Knoxville.  All attention now turns to coach cjohnchavis.  The "big programs" all have representatives talking with him now to avoid the dreaded JAG-CPU coach.

Bama fans mob Coach CJohnChavis at selection press conference

Knoxville, TN - At RUTS Media days Bama fans show up in force to try to influence a coaches decision.  "I thought my purple shirt was a strong indication, but this showing has me rethinking things. I'll need to discuss the issue with my family and agent."

Team Draft Video

The day is finally here! It's time to draft our teams for RUTS4. We will shed blood, sweat, and tears with these teams over the next several months....and I think at least 2 1/2 of us will be getting tattoos to display our new-found affection for our teams.

So, without further ado, I present to you, the Official RUTS4 Team Draft Video.....presented in High Definition by Firehouse Subs. (to view the video in HD, after you click PLAY, change it from 360p to 720p)