Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bowl Week

Season 2 Bowl Week is here...Once again, this season, the BCS National Championship will be decided in a huge head-to-head matchup between two RUTS powerhouses. #1 Alabama takes on #2 Oklahoma!

Bowl Matchups

BCS National Championship
#1 Alabama vs. #2 Oklahoma

Fiesta Bowl
#5 LSU vs. #7 Michigan State

Orange Bowl
#8 Ohio State vs. #5 South Carolina

Cotton Bowl
#9 Miami vs. Kentucky

Capital One Bowl
#14 North Carolina vs. #19 Illinois

Alamo Bowl
#12 Oregon vs. #11 Boise State

Monday, November 29, 2010

Alabama Wins SEC Title...Awaits Winner of OU/OSU Game

Fueled by a 7 interception performance from its potent defense, the #1 ranked Alabama Crimson Tide sealed its bid to play for a 3rd straight national championship with a 41-7 victory in the SEC Championship Game over North Carolina.

Who has two thumbs and is on top of the college football world? This guy!

Alabama now awaits tonight's winner of #2 Oklahoma and #3 Ohio State in the Big XII title game at Cowboys Stadium in Dallas. The Sooners outmatched the Buckeyes 34-24 in week 5 of this season. Can lightning strike twice in one season?

The Buckeyes will have their hands full containing the high octane passing attack of Oklahoma, led by QB Landry Jones and star wideouts Dejuan Miller and Ryan Broyles. If the Buckeyes, whose 2 losses have come to #1 Bama and #2 Oklahoma, look to pull the upset and complete an improbable run back to the national title game, they will have to limit the Sooners passing attack, especially on third downs. Third down conversions in the teams first meeting were crucial for Oklahoma to build a lead.

Cowboys Stadium will be rocking tonight!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

RUTS Teams Set Eyes Toward Postseason

With the final week of the regular season wrapping up, RUTS teams are setting their sights on conference championship week and bowl bids. The SEC and Big 12 Conference title games should both be excellent games, as #1 Alabama faces #9 North Carolina and #3 Ohio State takes on #2 Oklahoma. Both of these games are rematches from earlier this season.

These games will help determine the bowl destinations of the other RUTS teams. Entering week 12, here are the BCS Standings and where we think each will end up come Bowl Season:

#1 Alabama (projected to play in BCS National Championship Game)

#2 Oklahoma (projected to play in BCS National Championship Game)

#3 Ohio State (projected to play in Cotton Bowl)

#6 LSU (projected to play in Sugar Bowl)
#9 North Carolina (projected to play in Capital One Bowl)

#12 Miami (projected to play in Holiday Bowl)

#19 Oregon (projected to play in Alamo Bowl)

UR - Tennessee (not bowl eligible)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Sooner Recruiting Scandal Investigation Intensifies

(Warning: the following report contains inside jokes...proceed with caution)

Phone taps, text message records, allegations of late-night pantie raids during recruiting visits, and boatloads of free-spending boosters and coaches has rocked the citizens of Norman, Oklahoma and their beloved Sooner football program. Over the past two weeks, investigative celebrity reporter April O'Neil, of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fame, has been seen in Norman, going door to door trying to tie the pieces of the puzzle together to get to the bottom of the alleged recruiting violations Oklahoma Coach utvol27 has been committing since RUTS1.

O'Neil reported yesterday that Coach utvol27 has been tied to a mafia leader and former gangster known only by the name of "Big Snacks." While the whereabouts of Big Snacks had been unknown for some time, rumors began swirling last week that the mafia boss would be in Norman for the Sooners game against Miami. O'Neil, the clever reporter that she is, posted these photos on her Twitter account late last night, seemingly proving that Big Snacks was in town and that he and Coach utvol27 have some kind of working relationship.

Big Snacks schmoozing it up with two former Sooner greats, Bozworth and Dupree.

Big Snacks and Coach utvol27 share pleasantries...perhaps before 
discussing their next big payout to star QB Landry Jones??!!

With such allegations and peaked interest into the underground "pay for play" culture that Coach utvol27 seems to have created amongst his teams, it's amazing that the #2 Sooners have not let the distractions alter their path toward the BCS National Championship game.

With the new ties with Big Snacks, however, things may start to heat up under the Coach's seat. Big Snacks, who has made a name for himself in the gangster world by chugging excessive amounts of canned Gatorade and gallons of milk with relentless passion, could heighten the investigation into Coach utvol27's program. Big Snacks isn't a Sooner fan, but just a huge fan and former stalker of Coach utvol27 and his coaching abilities. Big Snacks, who made his fortune in the mid 2000s as a nationally known public speaker, was tied into the rumors of funneling hundreds of thousands of dollars into the pockets of Clemson stars CJ Spiller, Willie Korn, and Da'Quan Bowers during Coach utvol27's 5-year tenure.

Legend has it that Big Snacks' passion for providing illegal cash assistance to players stemmed from his days as the starting QB for the South Knoxville Little Vols pee-wee football team. Big Snacks, after a record breaking season in 1996, one in which he and his teammates were provided no post-game juice boxes, vowed to never let a football player that he rooted for go without. The rest of the story, according to the latest allegations, is history.

Big Snacks airs it out for the Little Vols, during a record breaking day on the field. This play was nullified due to an equipment violation. File photo, circa 1996.

Since joining forces with Coach utvol27, Big Snacks has since followed the coach around to stops with the Dallas Cowboys, and now the Oklahoma Sooners. April O'Neil reports that the FBI's paper trail on Big Snacks is a mile long, and includes text messages to Sooner players, coordinating players-only pantie raids on campus, and voice mails left on Sooner players' cell phones. One of the voice mails, which was left on the cell phone of Sooner QB Landry Jones, was recorded and sent to April O'Neil. The message, left by Big Snacks, simply stated the cryptic words, "if you be good to me...(ooohhh)...I'll be good to you...and we'll both ride home in my Yautomobile."

Clearly, Big Snacks is buying cars for the Sooner players too, or at the very least offering them rides. Big Snacks was a special guest of Coach utvol27 on the sidelines of the Miami game, and unnamed players were overheard speaking after the game about the "chubby guy in the tuxedo handing out sunflower seeds, lollipops and cash" on the sidelines during the game.

The #2 Sooners have two more games (at Florida State and at #3 Stanford) to close out the regular season before heading to Dallas to face #4 Ohio State for the Big XII title game. Who knows how this investigation will progress before then. For now, the Sooners Coach and his mafia sidekick will keep paying and winning, until something is proved.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Big Week 11 for RUTS Teams

In a busy week 11, four RUTS teams in particular will go head-to-head with division titles on the line. The #1 Alabama Crimson Tide host #3 LSU for SEC West supremacy, while the #2 Oklahoma Sooners look to avenge last season's shocking loss to #10 Miami, with the winner claiming the Big XII South title.

These games should be barn-burners, and although Alabama (7 points) and Oklahoma (5.5 points) are the favorites, look for the underdogs to keep these games close.

LSU's potent offense leads the nation in points per game, and Alabama's defense leads the nation in fewest points allowed. Somethings got to give. Look for the Tigers to pass, pass, pass, and pass some more, in order to test this Crimson Tide secondary. Bama will be without one of its stars, as RB Trent Richardson is injured and out for 4 more weeks with a back injury. Who knows how this will affect Alabama. The winner of this game will  to not only win the SEC West, but will be in the driver's seat for a birth in the BCS National Title game!

Oklahoma hosts Miami in what could be an interesting battle of wits. Coach stinvol has the Hurricanes back on track, entering the game at #10 in the BCS and once again, like last season, surging at season's end. Coach utvol27 will rely heavily on his QB Landry Jones and RB Jermie Calhoun to keep the Miami defense on its heels. If Miami can limit turnovers, however, and finish drives with TDs, this game should come down to the 4th quarter. Can the Sooners avoid the upset, or will the Canes be yet another step in Oklahoma's march through the Big XII?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

#1 Bama vs. #2 UNC to Sqaure Off in Week 9

Week 9 presents us with another huge head-to-head RUTS match-up, as the #2 North Carolina Tarheels travel west to Tuscaloosa to face off against the top-ranked Alabama Crimson Tide. Not only is this one a battle between two SEC foes, and a rematch from last season's conference title game, the winner will be the clear-cut winner of the "Best Team with the Weirdest Mascot" award. Crimson Tide vs. Tarheels! Buckle your chinstraps!

The first BCS Standings of season 2 were released this week, and to no one's surprise, RUTS teams are prominently ranked. Entering this week,  Alabama, North Carolina, Oklahoma, LSU, Ohio State, and even Oregon and Miami all have legitimate shots to make it to the BCS title game at season's end. The rankings are located on the right side of the blog.

Here are some photo highlights from Week 8:

Tennessee's RB Poole runs wild on Bama's Defense (230 rushing yards), but Julio and Company still manage to poop on the Vols' hopes of an upset.

Sooners scamper over Notre Dame, and Calhoun collects some serious cash! Was it from Coach utvol27?

LSU shuts down Auburn, and finds a new "Slash" in its already potent offense!

Cane U Dig It? Miami Pounds Texas, Moves to 5-2 on the season

Don't look now, but the #6 Buckeyes are climbing back up in the polls. Can 2-loss OSu run the table and make it to the 'Big Show'?

The #2 Tarheels have run roughshot over the competition this season. They'll get their shot at national respect this week as the face off against #1 Alabama

A last second FG lifts Oregon over Big 12 rival Florida State. They battle Notre Dame this week before heading to Columbus to tangle with with Buckeyes in Week 10 for Big 12 North supremacy.

RUTS Stats Leaders (entering week 9)
Passing - Bryn Renner, UNC: 2,362 yards, 22 TDs, 2 INTs
Rushing - Mark Ingram, Bama: 1,088 yds, 21 TDs
Receiving - Rueben Randle, LSU: 1,106 yds, 13 TDs
Tackles - Herman Lathers, Tenn: 43 tackles
Sacks - Sam Montgomery, LSU: 14 sacks
INTs - Dre Kirkpatrick, Bama: 5 INTs

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

See Ya Sooners? Shocking SI Article Reveals Possible Cheating at Oklahoma

In a shocking Sports Illustrated cover story from this week, Oklahoma Head Coach utvol27 reportedly admitted to legendary newsman Ron Burgandy that he has "made a habit of paying his players" since his glory days coaching the Clemson Tigers in RUTS1. In the article, Burgandy states that while listening to jazz flute over a glass of scotch one night in Norman, OK, Coach utvol27 opened his heart to the newsman.

"I will never forget the first time I paid a player," Burgandy said Coach utvol27 stated emphatically while waiting for his 15th scotch to be delivered to the table. "It was after I spent a weekend getaway with Coach Steve Spurrier and Coach StuBucksman in Key West. It was a magical weekend, but a weekend in which I realized two things....1) it's never smart to give to panhandlers while drinking fuzzy navels from a cowboy boot and 2) college athletes need to be paid."

Burgandy went on to state in the article that Coach utvol27 said that his thoughts about paying his players became entrenched when, in season 2 of RUTS1, it was announced that BRUT Splash-On Lotion would be the new title sponsor for RUTS.

"I just thought it seemed a little off that here we were, making bank off of a great league-wide endorsement deal from one of the most prolific, best smelling colognes known to man, and yet my all-stars CJ Spiller and Willie Korn weren't making a cent off of the deal," Burgandy claims the Coach shouted. "Sure they smelled like sweet musky stallions because of all of the free BRUT they could splash on, but what about their wallets? It was then and there that I wrote a check payable to CJ Spiller, and I have been paying players ever since."

While at practice this week preparing for the Sooners game against Notre Dame, Coach utvol27 would not comment.

Could this be the end to the Sooners title hopes this season? They have already slipped to #3 in the polls after the coaches and media voted #2 UNC ahead of them this week. Or, will the Sooners and their reportedly fat wallets spend their way to the national title game? Stay tuned!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

It's Miller Time! Congrats to Coach StuBucksman and Wife on Birth of First Son

Miller Adam StuBucksman-Nunley was born on Wednesday, November 3. Weighing in at 8lbs, 4 oz., Miller made his debut and immediately surprised doctors with his thick mustache, handsome looks, and football coaching genes.

Sources have yet to confirm if Alabama has offered the young StuBucksman a spot on the Crimson Tide's coaching staff.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Week 5 Sets Up Teams For BCS/Conference Title Runs

#2 Sooners Boom past #6 Ohio State with tough defense, a balanced offense, and the injury cheat code that knocked Bucks QB out for game.

The "Cam Train" has arrived in Baton Rouge. Freshman QB Cameron Traengen makes his case to be the #4 Tigers' future signal caller.

Top-ranked Alabama demolished Florida, and set a new NCAA record for number of "Summer-salts/Flips Into the End Zone"

The "Zach Quack Attack" gets back on track, Jack!

RUTS Stats Leaders (after week 5)
Passing Yards - Bryn Renner, UNC: 1,398 yards, 10 TDs, 0 INTs
Rushing Yards - Mark Ingram, Alabama: 728 yards, 16 TDs
Receiving Yards - Rueben Randle, LSU: 554 yards, 7 TDs
Tackles - Herman Lathers, Tennessee: 23 tackles
Sacks - Sam Montgomery, LSU: 9 sacks
INTs - (tie) Brandon Harris, Miami and Dre Kirkpatrick, Alabama: 3 INTs