See Ya Sooners? Shocking SI Article Reveals Possible Cheating at Oklahoma

 

In a shocking Sports Illustrated cover story from this week, Oklahoma Head Coach utvol27 reportedly admitted to legendary newsman Ron Burgandy that he has "made a habit of paying his players" since his glory days coaching the Clemson Tigers in RUTS1. In the article, Burgandy states that while listening to jazz flute over a glass of scotch one night in Norman, OK, Coach utvol27 opened his heart to the newsman.

"I will never forget the first time I paid a player," Burgandy said Coach utvol27 stated emphatically while waiting for his 15th scotch to be delivered to the table. "It was after I spent a weekend getaway with Coach Steve Spurrier and Coach StuBucksman in Key West. It was a magical weekend, but a weekend in which I realized two things....1) it's never smart to give to panhandlers while drinking fuzzy navels from a cowboy boot and 2) college athletes need to be paid."

Burgandy went on to state in the article that Coach utvol27 said that his thoughts about paying his players became entrenched when, in season 2 of RUTS1, it was announced that BRUT Splash-On Lotion would be the new title sponsor for RUTS.

"I just thought it seemed a little off that here we were, making bank off of a great league-wide endorsement deal from one of the most prolific, best smelling colognes known to man, and yet my all-stars CJ Spiller and Willie Korn weren't making a cent off of the deal," Burgandy claims the Coach shouted. "Sure they smelled like sweet musky stallions because of all of the free BRUT they could splash on, but what about their wallets? It was then and there that I wrote a check payable to CJ Spiller, and I have been paying players ever since."

While at practice this week preparing for the Sooners game against Notre Dame, Coach utvol27 would not comment.

Could this be the end to the Sooners title hopes this season? They have already slipped to #3 in the polls after the coaches and media voted #2 UNC ahead of them this week. Or, will the Sooners and their reportedly fat wallets spend their way to the national title game? Stay tuned!