Clemson Under Investigation Before Crucial Match-Up

Associated Press - Clemson, SC

Controversy has landed in Clemson. The back-to-back RUTS dyansty national champs are in deep water over allegations of use of performance enhancing drugs. According to police reports, Clemson strength coach Scott "Big Papa Pump" Steiner has provided players with steriods and HGH for the past two seasons. The report also states that he obtained the drugs from a Cuban drug lord, thus making this a huge federal matter.

Police stormed into the Clemson athletic facility earlier today and apprehended Papa Pump. Witnesses say Papa Pump was yelling 'I am being framed' as he was shoved into the police cruiser. It appears Papa Pump either wronged the Cubans he was in deep with, or he is being framed by the jealous opponents of the RUTS dynasty.

Coach utvol27 seems to think the latter, saying, "What happened earlier today is ridiculous! Coach Steiner is not that kind of person, and this program does not engage in any improper activity! This enrages me beyond belief! My gut tells me the scoundrals in the RUTS dynasty that are tired of losing to Clemson are out to ruin us. And who can blame them....two national titles, recruiting prowess, and those intimidating purple jerseys! They are trying to distract my team from the next task at hand, dismantling the bayou bengals! AND WE WILL DO JUST THAT! Free Papa Pump!"

Coach utvol27 could have a point, as LSU strength coach GoldDust (hired because of his love for the color gold, the representation of the color purple to his personal lifestyle, and his love of drag) has been immensely jealous of his former WWF coworker's success at Clemson. GoldDust was seen in public last year with a shirt reading "Big Papa Chump." Whether police follow this lead will be an interesting story to follow.

One thing's for sure, this only adds fuel to the already burning fire of perhaps college football's biggest regular season game of the season. Kickoff is Thursday night at 7:45pm ET.