Ch-Ch-Ch-Cha-anges! Coaching Moves Expand Reaches Of RUTS Dynasty

The past 24 hours have seen the RUTS Dyanasty further solidify itself as the preeminent organization in college football. In its quest to overtake the evil-empire (NCAA), RUTS Dynasty Coaches ccut and zeejaydee have resigned at their former schools and have relocated to the Big 12.

In a dramatic news conference, Coach ccut told his Hokie players and the Blacksburg media that he would "under no circumstance be leaving the Hokie nation." Then within a flash, ccut slipped away into the night on the Tom Osborne Express and was whisked away to the middle of nowhere, (aka Lincoln, Nebraska). When he was finally seen hours later, it was on campus at Nebraska, dressed in a white tuxedo, red bow tie, and the infamous Cornhusker hat. With Husker's Athletic Director Tom Osborne standing by, new head coach ccut confirmed what Hokie fans had feared...his love of all things corn and the many ways you can eat it (creamed, buttered, on the cob, in salsa, corndog, high fructose corn syrup, & mooshine) was too much to overlook. "My heart belongs to the Big Red now," said ccut. "The notorious "black shirts" defense and the "children of the corn" will once again reign supreme! Now...where can I get some of that liquid 'corn-in-a-jar?'"


At the same time, Coach zeejaydee accepted the head coaching position at Texas. Zeejaydee, who will be walking into a dream-job situation, will likely be inheriting the #1 overall recruiting class next season. The Longhorns blowout loss to Florida State in this week's Fiesta Bowl was the boiling point that forced the TX Athletic Director's hand to fire former Coach Mack Brown and hire zeejaydee. Although his record at Georgia hasn't been what he'd hoped, zeejaydee brings a myriad of talents to the table in Austin. He's a world renown bull rider, a tambourine player in the band "Obama Nation" (which will certainly be a hit in the wonderful Austin music scene), and looks dead-sexy in a pair of cowboy boots and Wrangler jeans. Plus he doesn't get hat hair, so bring on those long hours of cowboy hat wearing!


Rumors circulated throughout the RUTS organization on Monday that Florida State head coach cjohnchavis would follow his colleagues to the Big XII conference. But at the end of the day, his secret (or now, not-so-secret) "man-crush" on FSU's all-star QB Christian Ponder, and the thought of having potentially one more season with the junior QB, was too much to turn down. CJohnChavis, for season 3, will remain a Seminole.

RUTS commissioner UTVOL54 and Vice-Commissioner StuBucksman issued a joint statement:
"We at RUTS are pleased with this recent news that the RUTS empire has expanded to the southwest. It will fun to travel to Lincoln and Austin in season 3 to see some good football games. We will miss UGA and that weird looking Hokie bird, but Bevo and Herbie Husker are way cooler and tougher."

***Is it coincidence that the 3 engaged RUTS Dynasty coaches either left town or tried to leave town? You can run, but you can't hide, guys!***