NFL Playoffs: Round 2

The 1st round of the Playoffs flew by, and every RUTS team survived to see another day. Round 2 begins tonight, and as one drunk fan was quoted as saying as he left San Diego's Qualcomm Field after the Chargers dominating win over Indy, "thhhisssss is where we seperate the mens from the boys! San Deeee-Aaaaa-Goooo Suuuuuper Chargerrrrsssss!"

Here is a look at the playoff brackets entering week 2:
Chargers @ Titans
Eagles @ Cowboys
Steelers @ Patriots
Vikings @ Cardinals

Teams will be pulling out all the stops this week, in hopes of advancing to the AFC or NFC title games. Let's take a look at each matchup and offer some (not so) expert analysis.

CHARGERS @ TITANS

In a rematch of their week 16 slugfest (which Tenn won 34-28), the Chargers return to the Music City with redemption on their minds. After a dominating victory over Peyton Manning and the Colts, Coach Rob-A-Dob is convinced his team's confidence has never been higher.

"Not since City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold has there been a sequel more anticipated than this game," said Coach Rob-A-Dob. "We will be ready to play, and our goal is not just to win the game, but make them bleed and cry."

Leading up to the game, the Chargers announced via text message to the RUTS league office that QB Phillip Rivers had suffered an injury in the Colts game and was lost for the season, prompting Titans coach UTVOL54 to pronounce "Billy Volek shall not make it out of LP Field alive!"

However, when the Chargers released their weekly injury report, Rivers was not listed. "This is gamemanship at the lowest level," said UTVOL54. "We're not scared of Rivers, but we were really, really wanting to take aim at that middle school looking Billy Volek."

Will Rivers play? That remains to be seen. Coach Rob-A-Dob issued a written statement this morning:

"Rivers took a bad hit in Sundays game. He is showing signs of improvement, however, it is yet to be determined if Rivers will be taking any snaps. It obviously hurts to lose a player of Rivers capability, but in any circumstance, we will be ready for the game."

The Titans will be without star RB Chris Johnson (fractured upper arm) for the 3rd straight game and will rely on a RB by committee - consisting of rookie speed burner Shagg Makino, Lendale White, and Javon Ringer - which was enough to oust the Chargers in week 16. Johnson looks like he'll be able to return next week, should the Titans win tonight.

The winner of this game is going to have to control the line of scrimmage. Both teams will need to rely on their ground games. Brandon Jacobs has been at his best late in the season, and speedy Darren Sproles offers a quick strike threat either catching or running. The Titans have instituted a VY package over the past few weeks and Coach UTVOL54 admittedly thought about starting Vince Young at QB tonight.

"Vince has played really, really well this season when we've needed him," said UT VOL54. "Kerry is our starter, but Vince is more than capable of leading this team."

This game should come down to the wire, and we think that the team with the fewest turnovers will come out on top.

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Eagles @ Cowboys

We'll keep this one short and sweet. Coach utvol27's undefeated regular season record is handsomely rewarded with this week's game - the only RUTS game against the computer. The Cowboys should cruise past the 'Iggles and land back at home next week against the winner of the Cardinals/Vikings matchup. In regards to this week's game, Coach utvol27 only uttered two words, "Jon Kitna!"

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Steelers @ Patriots

This one could turn out to be the game of the week. The Steelers earned the AFC's #3 seed by winning games in miraculous fashion down the stretch. The defending Super Bowl Champs don't want to relinquish their title easily, and some have called Coach zeejaydee's team a "team of destiny."

However, traveling into the windy and hostile environment of Gillette Stadium will be tough. The Patriots are dominating teams right now behind a passing attack that the sport hasn't seen since Coach cjohnchavis's days at Florida State in RUTS1. Tom Brady and Randy Moss are a modern day Siegfried & Roy, with their uncanny bond and connection, and ability to tame lions and tigers. But can they tame the Steelers?

"Big Ben is ready for this game," said Coach zeejaydee. "He will be pump faking all game, waiting for just the right time to slice through the Patsy defense."

The Steelers are also rumored to be wearing their yellow helmets for tonight's game, a move that Coach cjohnchavis called "ghey!"

The Patriots, expected to don their classic AFL "Minutemen Red" uniforms, said that any such move by Pittsburgh would only be an attempt to steal the home team's fashion thunder, and wouldn't be very nice.

New England is the clear favorite in this one, and it will be tough for the Steelers defense to contain Brady, Moss, and Ian Johnson, who may earn his 1st start tonight at RB. However, the football bounces in funny directions, and we're not counting the Steelers out of this one.

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Vikings @ Cardinals

In a rematch from their week 13 game, the Vikings head west to the desert to take on the Cardinals. For the Vikings to win this game, they have to be able to run the football.

Adrian Peterson smashed the NFL single season rushing record this season, and is a leading candidate to win NFL MVP honors, but in their week 13 game, the Cardinals defense, led by Adam Nunley's 13 tackles (inside joke), held Peterson to a mere 73 rushing yards.

The Vikings' passing game has been surprisingly paltry this season, leading many to speculate if this could be Brett Favre's final game in an NFL uniform. Coach ChrisHicks is optimistic that he has a trick or treat or two up his sleeve against StuBucksman's blitzing defense. "We've been practicing the 8 TE set to add maximum blockers. This will really spark our running game against them."

Coach Stu, who is growing his playoff beard and has promised to wear his Ghostbusters Halloween costume on the sidelines scoffed at the notion that his defense couldn't defend an 8-TE set. "We're going to control the clock so much on offense, we won't have to worry about playing much defense," he said. Stu, who attended the Lane Kiffin Trash Talking Academy last season said he plans on putting his certificate to good use in the coming weeks. "We are going to pass, run, and Vick-o-nize the Vikings up and down the field...we cannot be stopped...we won't be stopped...and in the words of Bill Murray in Ghostbusters, http://movie-sounds.net/film/Ghostbusters/234/!...BOO-YEH!"

Here at RUTS, we think this game could be closer than Coach Stu predicts, but the Vikings are going to have to show a reliable passing game to back Arizona's safeties off the line. The winner of this game will likely head to Dallas next week (no word yet on whether or not, if Arizona wins, Coach utvol27 and Coach Stu will team-up "for the cure" again), but getting out of this hard-nosed game will be tough. This one will be won where it's supposed to...in the trenches.

Now for the Swam's predictions...

Swami Sez....Titans 31, Chargers 27

Swami Sez....Cowboys 42, Eagles 21

Swami Sez....Patriots 45, Steelers 35

Swami Sez....Cardinals 27, Vikings 21