Ducks Beheaded in Tallahasee, Coach Stu blames "Curse of the Duck"

The #11 Oregon Ducks arrived in Tallahassee poised and confident in their chances to upset #2 Florida State this week. Coach UTVOL54 and the Seminoles had other plans, issuing a beatdown of epic proportions in defeating Coach StuBucksman's team 52-3 in front of a loud crowd at Doak Campbell Stadium.

The Seminoles offense and defense dominated throughout, and Oregon QB Darren Thomas was sacked 12 times. Coach UTVOL54 called his team's performance "one of the best team efforts in my illustrious legendary coaching career." Coach StuBucksman, on the other hand, was stunned and angry. So many things went against Oregon in this game: 2 fumbles, 2 interceptions, giving up sacks in crucial times, and GQ magazine even suggested FSU won the uniform battle.

Coach Stu, in his post game press conference held back tears and faulted only himself. "It's the CURSE OF THE DUCK!" he shouted to curious reporters. "The CURSE OF THE DUCK is upon me and this football team, and I will do everything in my power to get rid of it!"

After saying only those words, Coach Stu stormed away from the podium and raced to the team bus to sit alone with his thoughts.

After doing some research on Wikipedia, one reporter found some information on this supposed dreaded curse and its stranglehold on Coach Stu. It was determined that this past offseason, between concert dates with his band Sensual BBQ and before Oregon signed him to a multi-million dllar contract, Coach Stu went duck hunting in the wilderness of Tennessee. According to legend, this act of cruelty angered the ghosts of all dead ducks and THE CURSE OF THE DUCK attacked Coach Stu's team.

Folklore suggests that Oregon coaches are prohibited from hunting ducks, kicking ducks, eating ducks, or even making eye contact with a duck. Coach Stu, unbeknownst  to Oregon administration before his hiring, broke every rule of the curse. And, now, 1 season and 2 games into his tenure in Eugene, Coach Stu is on the hot seat. The Ducks lost 4 games in season 1 and are off to a rocky 1-1 start this season... All because of what he calls THE CURSE OF THE DUCK!??!!!

Coach Stu and his team are trying to regroup to face another member of the feathered family, the South Carolina Gamecocks, in week 3.

Coach Stu would be frowning if he knew what this poor innocent Duck would later do to his soul.

The Duck would later get his revenge

Coach Stu and his family even dined on delicious duck last off-season!

Will the CURSE OF THE DUCK ever forgive Coach StuBucksman and let him coach his Oregon team to the best of his abilities? Or, like most curses, is this one only going to be alleviated by Coach Stu getting "relieved of his doodies" (pun intended) at Oregon!?