NCAA Frowns at Southern Cal's Decision to Hire Coach utvol27

The attending media and fellow RUTS Coaches waited patiently. The nation watched LIVE on ESPN News. But, Coach utvol27 was nowhere to be found. As the crowd at the RUTS4 Draft Media Day grew ancy, word began to spread that Coach utvol27 wasn't going to be in attendance to announce his decision. In fact, he wasn't even on the ground. Instead, the coach chose to stand up his fellow coaches and media members to be whisked away on a private jet to his new home in sunny LA.

Only a press release would announce his decision. Once the word got around, shock filled the room. Everyone can agree that the USC Trojan program is in a huge state of turmoil. Previous coach Pete Carroll bolted for the NFL right before the NCAA hammered the Trojans with sanctions. And his replacement, Lane Kiffin was fired his past offseason after campus officials discovered that he had a serious and disturbing addiction to midget porn, while paying players to keep quiet about it.

So, it can only be described as completely surprising that the Trojans would hire Coach utvol27. Granted, he's been the most successful college football coach on the past 50 years, winning 7 national championships combined at Clemson and Oklahoma since RUTS1. But, the NCAA is hot on his heels after a Sports Illustrated cover article shed light on some very questionable actions in Norman, OK last year. Are the Trojans, and Coach utvol27 playing with fire here, and just asking for the NCAA to investigate further.

"To be honest with you," USC AD Pat Haden said, "we don't acknowledge the NCAA. We do us, and we'll continue to do so."

"Coach utvol27's track record of winning games is unprecedented," Haden continued. "And, The very first thing he did when we landed in LA yesterday was call (former Trojans) Reggie Bush and OJ Simpson to welcome them back to the Trojan family with open arms. He's a forgive and forget kind of guy, and we need Bush and OJ back around this program, mentoring these young men."

The NCAA, however, sent a shot across the bough, putting the new Trojan coach on notice that no inappropriate actions will be tolerated. "We will be setting up shop in LA over the course of the next several months," said NCAA Mark Emmert. "A) Because it's a great vacation destination, and B) because I want to get coach utvol27's autograph. Oh, and monitor his program."

Coach utvol27 spent a few hours on campus mingling with the USC Song Girls, QB Matt Barkley, and spoke to the team in a new suit he bought on clearance at Jos. A. Bank at the Norman, OK mini-mall. He was then picked up by Trojan celeb-fans Will Ferrell and Snoop Dogg to tour the city, including stops in the Compton district, where the coach is expected to recruit heavily.

Upon meeting the Song Girls, Coach utvol27 asked the squad for a pair of red shoes.

Coach utvol27 greets his new QB, Matt Barkley