However, on Saturday night, in a flurry of late night text messages and Ben & Jerry's ice cream binges, Coach Stu was offered and accepted the new position, shocking the entire RUTS Dynasty, Stuart Scott, and most importantly, former Florida football coach robtheblob51.
As you may recall, Coach Stu and robtheblob51 have a storied history, and a former friendship that ended in robtheblob51 making fun of Stu's love of rap music. After the tiff, Coach Stu took a coaching job at South Carolina before leaving for Miami for after 1 season. In his two seasons there, Stu led the Hurricanes to back-to-back 10 win seasons, but a greater calling was in the works all along.
Coach Stu always had an admiration for Florida athletic director Jeremy Foley, and his love of rap music. Even though robtheblob51 led the Gators to 3 very successful seasons in Gainesville, including an SEC title and concensus top 5 ranking this season, Foley wanted more from his head football coach, and he knew it all along.
"I was the mastermind behind this whole deal," said Foley. "Coach Spurrier, at my request, hired Coach Stu at Carolina to teach him the love of the deep ball. Then, I talked Miami into hiring Stu so that he could go to South Beach and hone his rap skills, free-styling techniques, and hip-hop wardrobe. After being there for 2 seasons, the timing was perfect. Rap music is coming back to Gainesville!"
Coach Stu arrives on campus in Gainesville. Fired up, focused, and prepared!
Coach Stu and Gators Mascot Albert E. Gator pose for photos after the press conference.
"I couldn't be more excited,"said Coach StuBucksman at the press conference. "I have never seen so much speed on the field as I have with my new team. As for robthebblob51, I heard that South Dakota Tech State University is interested in hiring him. That chump. They are the only school that hires a coach who listens to Yo-Yo Ma or Zombie Nation."
(No word yet as to whether or not the Gators play South Dakota Tech State Univ. in season 4)
Coach robtheblob51, who was seen clearing his office during the press conference was bitter about how he was fired. "3-0 is all I have to say," he said. "He never beat me in three seasons. And I have already spoken to our kicker, Caleb Sturgis, and told him to never make a 66 yard game winning field goal ever again!"
Both coaches refused to let by-gones be by-gones, but one thing is for sure, the Gator nation is excited about the arrival of Coach Stu. Message boards were clamoring about the hire early Monday afternoon...
"TNSORDBHAWTCTACSTSAOPFVLM" ("The Nick Saban of RUTS Dynasty Because He Always Wants To Change Teams And Can't Seem To Stay At One Place For Very Long Man) is a welcome addition to the Gator family.
---JortsOrDie
I heard he's wearing jorts to his press conference. That's good enough for me!
--GatorTastesLike Chicken
I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life. It's gonna feeeeeel reeeeeal good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right.
--Michael Jackson
The Gators have always been a staple at the top of the rankings in seasons 1-3, but one has to wonder with a new rap-music-loving coach at the helm, will the Gators take the next step toward a national title, or will they be too fired up and stressed out without thier traditional Kenny G locker room sing-along.
Coach Stu didn't elaborate further on the bitter rivalry with robtheblob51, but he offered some comments on what we could expect from his team next season.
"I promise we will come out fired up. With this speed, I may expand my playbook to 3 or 4 offensive plays next season," he said. "There won't be one single jort-wearing Gator fan in the Swamp that doesn't like the way we play or the way our uniforms will look next season."
Coach Stu was indoctrined to the Gator family early. Basketball coach Billy Donovan invited Stu to his house for a quick game of one-on-one.
And Florida faithful lined up early to catch a glimpse of their new head coach as he entered campus for his welcoming press conference.
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