A source within the program, speaking on the condition of anonymity and a free years supply of Chick Fila sauce, was unclear whether or not Stu was being fired or was resigning.
Coach Stu has only been the head coach at Miami for 2 seasons, leaving some fans on message boards to label him "South Beach Saban" and "The Nick Saban of RUTS Dynasty Because He Always Wants To Change Teams And Can't Seem To Stay At One Place For Very Long Man," or "TNSORDBHAWTCTACSTSAOPFVLM" for short.
After the Hurricanes' walk-thru practice at the Georgia Dome this afternoon, coach Stu offered only a "no comment" when probed about the situation. Another reporter snapped back "don't you think this all started and ended too fast?" To which Stu quickly replied, "that's what she said."
Rumors about Coach Stu's future at Miami swirled during the team's bowl practice. Stu left the team to go on a "walkabout" and missed the entire two weeks of bowl practice. When he returned, he had grown a glorious, manly beard which Santa himself would envy. Although the beard's magic gave him the hippy voice of Jerry Garcia, the guitar shredding talent of Jimi Hendrix, and the conversation ability of Joaquin Phoenix, Coach Stu seemed to be coaching the Canes harder than ever.
Coach Stu was spotted walking in the South Dakota hills on his 2-week walkabout. No word if he was joined by Sasquatch and Big Foot.
However, over the past 24 hours, the inside source claimed that terms could not be reached on Stu's contract extension at Miami and that his 2nd season in South Beach would indeed be his last. The beginning of the end for Stu, according to the source, was his appearance on the cover of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue, which drew critical acclaim from the paparazzi, the media, and co-eds on the Miami campus, but ire from university administration. And once news of Stu's recent absence from Miami practice hit the president's office, it "was only a matter of time before his reign at The U ended," said the source.
RUTS has learned that Coach Stu, while focused on going out with a win against Miss. State, is considering several different coaching and non-coaching options, including the head coaching positions at Texas, Oklahoma State, Texas A&M, or Texas Tech, while also not ruling out leaving the coaching profession behind and taking his fledgling indie-funk-reggae-jam band Sensual Barbeque on the road for its first world tour.
Sensual Barbeque's debut album, "Grill Or Die" has sold a whopping 621 copies
Before getting on the team bus at the Georgia Dome after his team's walk through, Coach Stu did want to mention that "even though Christian "Tiny" Ponder won the Heisman Trophy and has his team playing in the BCS title game, the Seminoles QB still has a small ding dong fitting of a munchkin on the Wizard of Oz."
Stay tuned to RUTS Dynasty's website for more information.
2 comments:
wow, quite a bit of work on this one.
That was awesome!
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