Stern Warning Issued to Coach Stu and Alabama Fans

Slive has "had it up to here" with Bama fans

In an unprecedented move, the NCAA, SEC Commissioner Mike Slive, and RUTS headquarters laid the smack down on Coach StuBucksman and the entire Alabama football fan base. In a written statement, the three parties sternly warmed Coach Stu to let Alabama fans know that there is a "zero tolerance policy" on killing the houseplants, bermuda grass, shrubbery, fake flowers, or weeds in the yard of any RUTS team or coach.

Stu says, "Yo, Yo...get off my case."

"Killing plants will not be tolerated," said Slive. "Coach Stu will be held accountable for each and every one of his deranged, lunatic fans. He has fostered the culture of silliness and trouble making amongst his fans, and he is partially to blame for this warning."

In case you've been living under a rock for the past 24 hours, this warning was issued in direct correlation to longtime Alabama fan and nutjob Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr.turning himself into police for placing urine in Coach EBDial's sprinkler system in the days leading up to this week's big Tennessee/Alabama game. Updyke was arraigned and charged with negligent tomfoolery and inappropriate use of urine on a football coach's lawn. The urine, apparently used in mass quantities caused EBDial's lawn to smell like urine for hours and angered neighbors, dogs, and cats.

Bama fans, thank him for the zero tolerance policy!