In week 2, Ohio State ran rough-shot over defending national champion Alabama, beating the Tide 45-21 in Tuscaloosa. Now, it appears Coach UTVOL54, head football coach of the Buckeyes, is up to his old tricks again. A week after getting into a war of words with longtime friend and video game rival, Alabama Crimson Tide Head Coach StuBucksman, before their teams' week 2 match up, Coach UTVOL54 has upped his game even more this week as the Buckeyes prepare for the arrival of the Florida Gators and new Coach Gump.
"I know what makes this man tick," said Coach UTVOL54. "Just like Coach Stu, Coach Gump and I have been amigos for a long time. I know how to push his buttons and get him distracted. What better way to ensure a victory over his Gators than by serving him up the ultimate distraction?"
Of course, Coach Gump has already faced NCAA distractions and inquiries this season, but the Gators have surged ahead, giving up only 7 total points to Cincinnati and UCLA in weeks 1 and 2. But distractions from the NCAA pale in comparison to what Coach UTVOL54 had in store this week.
US Weekly has learned that the Ohio State Coach sent longtime closet Buckeyes fan and singer-songwriter-ProActiv spokesperson-superstar extraordinaire Katy Perry and her cat Kitty Purry on a top-secret mission to Gainesville, Florida. The Mission? To distract Coach Gump all week and not allow him any time to scout, gameplan, or even think about his team's week 3 game against the Buckeyes.
It appears US Weekly's are legit, as photo evidenced was sent anonymously to RUTS headquarters this morning. The Gainesville Sun even picked up on the story. Instead of rendezvousing with his playbook this week, Coach Gump apparently has been seen rendezvousing with "destiny."
Katy Perry reportedly showed up at the Gators football training facility on Monday of game week and swept the Gators Coach off his feet, singing a stirring, acoustic rendition of her first hit single "Ur So Gay", and the rest, according to people in Gainesville, is history.
"We seen them jorts shoppin at Wal-Mart," said one Gator fan. "At first, I's like, 'that there's Coach Gump.' But then I's like, 'wait a minnit, that's Katy Perry too!' I's kinda surprised."
 |
| Katy Perry and Coach Gump walk the red-carpet at grand opening of "Cozy Denim," Gainesville's newest Jorts Superstore. |
One student at UF said that Katy has been seen eating cotton candy and frolicking around the Gators football facility all day, every day this week. "It's super cool," the student said. "I'm not sure how it will translate to the field on Saturday, but it's been smelling like sugary strawberries around here all week, so what's not to love? Win or lose in Columbus, we've had a good week here."
Coach Gump and Katy were spotted leaving the Purple Porpoise Oyster Bar on campus late on Tuesday. Upon being seen by photogs, the couple (???!!!) sped off in Coach Gump's Mini Cooper, "Teenage Dream" blaring from the car's speakers.
 |
| Perry even invited rapper Snoop Dogg to join the fun in Gainesville, where they sang a stirring rendition of 'Gin and Juice' at the Purple Porpoise's weekly Karaoke Night. |
 |
| After a late night on the town, Perry somehow convinced Coach Gump to put on her purple wig and pose for a Facebook photo with Kitty Purry. |
Who knows how Coach Gump will take the news once he learns that this entire week of romance, love, and tomfoolery with Katy Perry was nothing more than an elaborate scheme by rival Coach UTVOL54 to gain a leg-up in this week's game. His heart? Possibly broken. His eyes? Shedding tears. His spirit? Likely un-faltered, say his hopeful players.
It worked last week for Coach UTVOL54, but did this week's pre-game antic cross the line? Will Coach Gump be like a man possessed this week as he runs through the tunnel at Ohio Stadium and leads his team onto the field? Or, will Gump simply greet Coach UTVOL54 with a smile, a fist-pound, and the biggest "thank you" he's ever spoken?
0 comments:
Post a Comment